Crypto News: Finally, an iPhone for people who can’t type

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I Want You

I failed typing class in high school, and I’ve only gotten worse since. One might think that would hamper my career, given that I make my living typing. If we were back in the Underwood era, I’d probably have become a lawyer or a baker or a traffic psychologist.^[1] But I muddle through, thanks to modern technology and the backspace key. The other key I frequently make use of is the (forward) delete key. At least I do on my company-issued laptop because it’s a Windows machine — corporate, uncool and pretty darn functional. But, deluded snob that I am, I personally live in the Apple universe, where I get luxurious minimalism (thanks, Jony Ive), a credit card without a number on it (thanks a whole lot, Jony Ive) and no forward delete key.

Yes, I know, you can use Fn+Delete. Sure. My fingers can barely find the space bar and I’m supposed to somehow get my pinkie over to the Fn key? Actually, pinkie is just a guess — I have no idea what or where the Fn key is, nonetheless what Fn stands for. Nope, I’ll very slowly move my cursor one step forward for every step back all day long. Because, Apple.

And if I have that much trouble on a MacBook, just imagine me on my iPhone, hunting and pecking and and backing up and being laughed at by my children because I don’t use both thumbs. You know what I miss? My BlackBerry.^[2] That was the perfect little keyboard, slanted keys with big bumps on them that let your fingers know where they were walking. But BlackBerrys (yes, proper plural) went the way the of the Nokia ages ago.

What I’ve longed for ever since was an iPhone I could actually type on — with a keyboard twice the size of my Pro Max’s and text big enough for my fading eyesight, and yet small enough for my pocket. What I wanted was a cool version of the foldable Samsung Galaxy Z. And on Oct. 23, for the little matter of $2,000 and standing in a very long line, I’m getting it: the iPhone Duo.

I don’t need one, but I want one. (Hint: That is the theme of today’s newsletter.)

They promised us flying cars, but this is pretty darn close.

But will it be creaseless?

“In the foldables market, as with larger smartphones, Samsung again made its move much earlier, offering a foldable Galaxy since 2019,” writes Dave Lee. “Apple’s competitors in China have their own, well-received offerings. In that time, those companies have made great strides in refining the technology, seeking to address the primary and persistent complaint of a crease that emerges down the center of the folded screen. Has Apple solved that problem?”^[3]

Also wanted: A ride in a Cybercab. Not needed: A steering wheel! Elon Musk’s rather lame launch of the vehicle, gullwing doors and all, made for an unflattering comparison. “Musk has been compared to Apple’s legendary co-founder Steve Jobs, not least in terms of their talent for rallying a congregation around some new, futuristic product,” Liam Denning explains. “The difference, however, lies in the ability of Jobs, and his successors, to deliver futuristic and, crucially, highly profitable products ... Both companies inspire, but one is far more of a religious experience than the other.”

Something else you don’t really need but want: an AI agent. You may, of course, not know that you want an AI agent. But you do: As one venture capitalist told Parmy Olson, “Apps and SaaS dead ... AI and agentic hot.”

So if AI’s hot, is Apple still cool? “New releases on Apple Inc.’s App Store surged by about 80% earlier this year,” Parmy writes. “But follow the money in Silicon Valley and something strange is happening: Mobile apps are disappearing from some of tech’s most promising startups. AI is the reason for that, too.”

You may not think you need a Gucci handbag. But you do — if you shop at ... TJ Maxx?? “The discount retailer, with its treasure-hunt feel, might seem anathema to the exclusive, rarefied world of luxury,” writes Andrea Felsted. “But after pushing up prices amid the 2020-2023 boom, designers are struggling to connect with consumers who are financially comfortable enough to splurge on the occasional luxe treat, but not actually rich.”

Something else you want but don’t need — if you live in London anyway — is one of these cuties:

Those are onigiri, plump triangles of rice wrapped in roasted seaweed, and Howard Chua-Eoan calls them the perfect solution for that sudden hunger pang. And now he can get them at ... Marks & Spencer? Howard’s judgment: “At M&S, which introduced its Kando brand in the spring of 2025, the snack is encased in a plastic case that gives off toolkit vibes,” but “despite these shortcomings, I find this British foray into onigiri quite heartening.”

Now comes the turn: things you need but don’t really want. Like, say, a roof over your head?

“Britons are souring on apartments. That’s a particular problem for London, where flats overwhelmingly account for new-home sales and construction has already slowed to a crawl, leaving housing supply at a fraction of government-set targets,” writes Matthew Brooker. “The many factors at play here include: elevated mortgage rates, which have squeezed affordability for first-time buyers who are the main source of demand for new-build apartments ... but one fundamental driver that shouldn’t be overlooked is the toxic stigma from the country’s leasehold system.”

Then comes the ultimate need not want: eating your peas. “If the 2024 election turned on the price of eggs, the 2026 midterm may well turn on the price of the rest of what’s in Americans’ shopping carts. And 2028 could shape up the same way: According to forecasts, eating is going to get more expensive for at least another year,” writes Mary Ellen Klas. “Congress can demand that the White House stop making the problem worse. The war with Iran, tariffs and the deportation of agricultural workers have led to price pressures that will reverberate through the food supply chain for months to come.”

Finally, you may not want a Terminal High Altitude Area Defense ballistic missile interceptor, but if you want to stay safe in an uncertain world, you need a whole lot of them. “The US still maintains the world’s most powerful military. Those unmatched capabilities provide deterrence, global influence and economic prosperity. There’s just one problem: We’re running out of bullets,” writes David M. Drucker. “This challenge is hardly the fault of this Congress, or this president, alone. But it does exist, and it is jeopardizing military readiness, limiting America’s strategic options and limiting — to borrow Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth’s favorite word — lethality.”

Pete Hegseth. That name alone has me searching for the Fn+delete key.

Bonus You Can’t Always Get What You Want Reading:

Trump’s $5,000 Payout Promise Is Soaked in Flop Sweat: Mark Gongloff
Bitcoin’s White-Hat Hack Is Just Old-Fashioned Extortion: Emily Nicolle
Joyful Spending Is America’s Guilty Pleasure: Allison Schrager

What’s the World Got in Store?

WTO annual world trade report, Sept. 15: Canada and Europe Are Building a Hedge Against America — Lionel Laurent
Fed rate decision, Sept. 16: Fed Rate Hikes Won’t Be Enough to Get Inflation to 2% — Allison Schrager
BOE rate decision, Sept. 17: Burnham’s Biggest Idea May Be His Undoing — Adrian Wooldridge

I Want It All

So is there anything in the world you both want and need? Well, in my family, it’s this:

Property of a humble newsletter writer’s daughter ...

Yep, nothing is worth more to us than an utterly worthless piece of paper.

“The NFL’s fandom is hard to shake because of how it’s developed. In Green Bay, for example, people ‘inherit’ the Packers from their families, share their victories and defeats with their community, and embrace being a “cheesehead” as a personal brand,” Adam Minter explains. “Fans even pay for stadium renovations out of their own pockets (under the guise of valueless shares).”

Meanwhile, in the season’s opening week, fans elsewhere are getting schnookered.

“For years, the league has slowly made NFL football less convenient and affordable to follow. Fans complain, then figure it out, refusing to let the cost of another subscription keep them away from their favorite teams,” writes Adam. “Roger Goodell, the league’s commissioner since 2006, has counted on that reaction, and NFL owners have clearly liked the results. Over the weekend, they rewarded him with a four-year contract extension. They have plenty of reasons to be happy, from a big media rights deal to labor stability. But Goodell’s record also exhibits an uncanny ability to figure out how much change fans can tolerate while still coming back for the next game. The question for Goodell’s next four years is how much further he can push fans before they prove his instincts wrong.”

Yeah, he may do something really silly, like forcing the Rams and Niners to play a game in Australia ...

Note: Please send cabbage and whitebait onigiri and feedback to Tobin Harshaw at tharshaw@bloomberg.net.

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[1] A real job -- see my newsletter of two weeks ago.

[2] I won't say that the company-issued BlackBerry was the biggest reason I moved from the NYT to Bloomberg 15 years ago, but it was up there.

[3] We'd have an answer to that if Dave would just get Apple to send him, temporarily, one of these before Oct. 23. And if Dave shared it with a certain humble newsletter writer at the next desk, who would then promise to stop playing the Sex Pistols at volume 11 on his leaky AirPods Max.

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