| This is Bloomberg Opinion Today, a happy family of Bloomberg Opinion's opinions. Sign up here. The Barney & Friends theme song — "I love you, you love me, we're a happy family" — was an iconic anthem for a generation. But then things got, um, weird. Silicon Valley grew up to a similar tune, with corporate gatherings cosplaying as family reunions and workers spending more time with their colleagues than their actual blood relatives. Now, with Big Tech's foosball tables turning against employees, the concept of a happy "work family" is getting old fast, Beth Kowitt writes. Take Salesforce, which has long used the word "Ohana" to describe its company culture, à la another favorite of the milk-and-cookies set, Lilo & Stitch. Marc Benioff has mastered the art of giving off major dad vibes, but his familial messaging rings false now that Salesforce is laying off thousands of supposed family members. There's no such thing as unconditional love in the workplace. "You did not adopt me, you hired me," the recently laid-off Aiyyo Shraddha said of her former employer in an interview. "Happiness does not come from six types of tea, four types of coffee and three types of water," she added. While free perks are nice, they're no longer going to convince workers to grind out 80-hour work weeks. Adrian Wooldridge suggests one way to get the American work ethic back on track is for employers to "treat workers as responsible adults rather than errant children." That means: fewer meetings and workplace retreats, and more trust and freedom to be productive in a way that fits our lifestyles. Also, money! That would help, too. Bonus Work Ethic Reading: Silicon Valley loves young frauds. But such visionaries lose their luster when interest rates rise. — Allison Schrager A fun meme account on Instagram belongs to an anonymous furniture repairman who calls himself Herman Wakefield. He pokes fun at young people willing to sell their soul for glorified heaps of plastic. A squiggly light-up mirror. An uncomfortable café chair. A wall of empty picture frames. Another mirror, this one lined with expanding foam. All things Portia from "The White Lotus" probably has in her Etsy shopping cart: Unfortunately, Gen Z's atrocious taste in furniture directly contributes to the 8% of global oil consumption accounted for by plastic production. You might hope humanity's desire to envelop itself in saran wrap could be mitigated by, say, biodegradable options. But David Fickling points out these can rack up more emissions than conventional plastic, releasing methane when they break down: The eco-friendly aura of your sustainable sunglasses made of "bio-acetate" might make you feel good, but it doesn't make you an environmental savior. Instead, bioplastics are helping you carry on as normal, when really you should be practicing the old adage to reduce, reuse and recycle. Bonus Green Reading: Divorce can be expensive. There's lawyers. Custody arrangements. That awkward discussion where you figure out who gets to keep the Thermomix. But nothing compares to what happened to the UK after it left the EU, Therese Raphael writes. Seriously, this might be the most expensive divorce of all time: It's been three years since the official separation, and the British economy looks sadder than you after watching the third episode of "The Last of Us." According to Bloomberg Economics, Brexit is costing the UK economy £100 billion a year. That's the entire net worth of Jeff Bezos, gone. The nation is full of remorse, with 56% of the public regretting Brexit. That's way more than the 27% of women and 32% of men who regret signing their actual divorce papers: Thankfully, the rhetoric around Brexit is shifting, with Labour aiming to fix the Tories' bad decision-making. But Therese warns Britain might be too broke (and broken) for that. Read the whole, bloody thing. A handful of Republicans are pitching a tax overhaul that would abolish the IRS, which is obviously a radical non-starter. But Karl Smith argues there's one part of their plan worth noting: a flat, nationwide 30% sales tax. Targeting consumption rather than income might actually be the least painful path to tame our out-of-control deficit, Karl suggests: Wall Street regulators claim banks are too big. But are they? Although the top five US banks have a grip on nearly half of industry assets, that's not a lot compared to the rest of the developed world. Bloomberg's editorial board argues we should worry less about size and more about strength. Facebook, Google and Amazon are in for a rude awakening once the EU kicks its auditing regime into high gear. — Parmy Olson Israel's dual conflicts with Palestine and Iran are causing MBZ to straddle a very uncomfortable fence. — Bobby Ghosh Manufacturers aren't acting like there's a recession on the way. — Brooke Sutherland Pop quiz! Which should you save for: a house or retirement? There's only one good answer. — Erin Lowry The "Madoffs of Manhattan" (great name for a band) are destroying Gautam Adani's empire. — Shuli Ren Awkward: Johnson & Johnson has too much money to file for bankruptcy. — Matt Levine Donald Trump's disruptive behavior is unlike anything we've seen in the modern era. What can we learn from his collision with the GOP? — Timothy L. O'Brien and Maggie Haberman George Santos's constituents want him out. Ukraine is searching for fighter jets. French pension protests are growing. The pope wants to protect Africa. This dog loves the F word. Helena Bonham Carter's approach to life is "whatever." (h/t Mike Nizza) Woman steals $1.5 million worth of chicken wings. Sitting in traffic may cause brain damage. People would pay a lot of money to get rid of insomnia. Notes: Please send chicken wings and feedback to Jessica Karl at jkarl9@bloomberg.net. 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